Idols

I've been feeling restless lately, just short of general anxiety, and I haven't been really able to pinpoint where these feelings were coming from. Well that's true on one level, the superficial level, but scratch the surface, and I have always known. For me, I've learned the periods of restlessness, emptiness, or loneliness have two significant meanings in my life. First, these feelings are an invitation from God to reconnect, to be named again, to re-remember who I am in God. Second, it's an invitation to re-examine my daily behavior and find "Idols" that I have chosen in place of living in the NOW, the present moment, the place where God Is. Lately, my idol has been constantly turning on the radio and listening to NPR. Not that there's anything wrong with NPR, but when that or anything becomes a "fill" to avoid the present moment and what seems like the drudgery of daily life, it becomes an idol. I have not turned on NPR in two days, neither in the car nor at home, and I have discovered that I do not miss the daily news, the talk shows, the bad news of the economy. Not that informing oneself is bad, for it is essential. But when I am not free to not listen to the radio (or anything else) then I am not available to the present and I am missing the silent whispers of God. What have I discovered since turning the radio off the radio? What I have known before, have forgotten, have remembered, and will undoubtedly forget again... that there is a sweetness of living in the stillness of the NOW where ordinary tasks of the day become a means to discover God, who I am, and a joy that is abundant. Are there "Idols" in your life?

Doin' Fine in Irvine

Well it's actually Irving, but I wanted the title to rhyme... what a nerd, I know. The Bear and I are in a pretty good routine right now. What I am really excited that is that since I spend a lot of time with him, he's really catching on to the Spanish and understanding a lot. He does the same in English and although he's not saying a lot yet, he does say one very funny thing: "Help Me!!" The only TV we let the Bear watch is "Go Diego Go" and he loves it. We put it on the Spanish setting which is actually created to help Spanish speaking children learn English. They intersperse a few English words each episode, but it is very heavily accented because they must have chosen Latino actors who don't speak English. Instead of "Help Me!" It sounds like, "Epp Mi." So about three weeks ago, I was changing his diaper and he was pretty fussy. He started crying out, "Epp Mi!! Ehop Mi!!"

Second Day Concerns

Today is the second day for Wife at her new job. She is working as an attending at a Dallas-area hospital. Yesterday she was shown around and got measured for her medical coat. She'll be in charge of a couple of residents and apparently will be taking over the director's rounds. In fact, she just learned that the boards that she just took was written by her director. Wife was able to say to her directly, "It was really hard!" The director replied, "Good, they were supposed to be." The highest score in the country on the boards only scored a 72!

It's also my second day on the job.... taking care of the Bear. Yesterday we dropped Wife at work and then went to the Dallas Arboretum. Very beautiful. It was pretty cool just hanging out with the Bear. I must admit that I feel very daunted by the task of caring for him full time. I have so much more respect for homemakers (now that I am one) because it is very difficult. I know things will get easier when I get into a routine. But right now I feel that I am not talking to him enough, or playing with enough, or whatever. Plus he has his physical therapy issues which are always present. Wife is very supportive of me which I appreciate. I feel like I need to learn more Spanish for his sake.

In Texas

After two months of no posting, I hope to be more consistent. In August, Wife spent time everyday studying for her specialty Boards (physiatry) and we found out yesterday that she passed. I wrapped up things at Catholic Charities and it was difficult to say goodbye. I am grateful for the experience and the relationships that I had there.

The Bear, two cats, and two adults drove across country from Chicago to Dallas in two days. The Bear did wonderfully and did not cry at all, only pouted a few times when he was bored. The cats slept on our laps the whole way. We're now in our own apartment in Las Colinas which is 10 miles from Wife's work, 45 minutes from my parents and brother. We got the Bear enrolled in early intervention here too to help with his rehab. The biggest challenge is to constantly redirect him from the "butt scoot boogie" which is a cute but unhelpful way that many low muscle tone babies use to get around.

I will write tomorrow more about our new life here. It's good to be home but I really miss Chicago and our friends there.

33 and a New Start

Today we learned that I don't have melanoma but rather an abnormal mole. It's being sent off for chromosomal studies to see if it was beginning to be cancerous. Just to be on the safe side, the doctors want to cut more out of my shoulder around the area of the excision. I feel that I have been given a new lease on life. And after we found out that our fears were not confirmed, my wife confided in me that if it had been melanoma, because of the rarity of the size and texture of the mole, it would have been fatal. I would have been dead within six months to a year. She had been living with this fact since Monday. My feelings right now are so overwhelming. I am grateful, relieved, still anxious...yet I see a new side of life that only scares like this can bring. I want to rededicate my life to God and you, my brothers and sisters. I don't know in what form this will take place, I am open. I further rededicate myself to being the best husband and father I can be. Thank you God for this gift tonight....This gift of life.

Catching Up

This weekend was wonderful in many ways. First, the weather was glorious. I've never been in a city where you can actually feel the overall city-wide mood just raise up because of better weather. This winter and spring have been some of the worst on record for Chicago. Second, some friends from my undergraduate college, UNT, came to town. Although 10 years have passed since I've hung out with them, it was indeed fun to pick up where we left. Plus, there were two new additions and one on the way. I'll send picts of the "reunion" when I get them.

Way Over Due!

Everyone's doing great! Wife got a job at UT Southwestern hospital and will start in Sept or Oct. We'll probably live in Las Colinas or Irving, renting for the first year and then maybe buying. Last Saturday, we bought a new car! We traded in the Jeep and bought a Prius hybrid which gets 48 miles per gallon in the city....which is key since gas here is $4.50/g and expected to go up to over $5 by the end of the summer. Also, the car has very low emissions so the environmental impact is not so bad. As we get older, esp now with a child, we're more and more concious of the environment and way small role we can play in decreasing our consumption and pollution output. The car was a little more expensive than we had planned but after 3 years or less, it'll pay for itself with the savings in gas.

Lastly, Papito or from this point, aka "The Bear," had his first swimming experience yesterday. A bunch of Wife's co-workers who also have babies, got together to have baby swimming lessons. The Bear did not cry but it seemed he didn't know quite what to do with it all. It was fun and he did well over all. Here are some pictures.