Good Friday, 2008

Right now outside my Chicago window, it is snowing outside when it "should" be warm and sunny this time of the year. I am not working today, Catholic Charities has the day off, and so I "should" be cleaning. I "should have been" more strict on myself during Lent, perhaps. I am profoundly mindful today of my failings and shortcomings today. Have I grown any during Lent this year? I don't know...I realize that there are a lot of "shoulds" in my life and in the world at large. There "should" be a better economy. There "should not" be war in Iraq. There "should" be better recycling in Chicago (and I "should" do a better job a recycling). I feel this tension between where I am and where I want to be, the "should." But that's not where God is. God is located in the here and now embracing me where I am and lovingly inviting me to become more and more who I really am. It's precicely in the struggle of the "shoulds", the tension of the now, when my soul is torn open to receive the mercy of God. Señor, ayúdame ser quien realmente soy. Dame la sabiduría y el poder de vivir en el momento presente, en el ahoríta. Dame la forteleza hacer lo que debo y la sabiduría a dejar las cosas cuando debo. Amen.

What do you think?

So, I have been thinking that Papito does not look like me. But people often say that he's looking more like me all of the time. I've posted a picture of me when I was 6 months, which is his current age. What do you think?

On other news, his rehabilitation is going pretty well. He can sit up by himself without support for about 10 to 15 seconds, stand with just holding his hands, and he's got one really big tooth with a couple of buds cropping up. He still has trouble with tummy time and learning how to put weight on his arms. He holds up his head just fine but his arms go sprawling after a few minutes like he's surfing on a wave. He still is so smiley and fun to be around. He rarely cries and it's usually connected to being on his tummy. I am still only speaking to him in Spanish but I'm not sure that he's getting enough exposure. So everyday, I put on the same Latin music everyday so he can get used it. A friend from Chicago is from Columbia and gave me some Spanish children CDs. He'll be going from crawling to walking to dancing merengue soon. About the pictures: Top is me at 6 months; Papito is on his tummy next; Papito's first swing ride, he loved it! Wife studying for a riveting test called Texas Medical Jurisprudence and Papito providing support; Wife and Papito enjoying some time together...

Become the Change You Want to See

The title is a mantra that keeps coming to me recently. I don't know exactly why. Well, I guess I hope I know. For Lent this year, I didn't given up anything very specific but I'm trying to make some positive changes in my life. More than anything, though, I've been praying that God give me a new direction, a new way of viewing things... a way that makes me more full of peace and in turn, act more peaceful towards others. As if a mist is slowly dissipating around me and my vision becoming clearer, I see how regularly I find fault with the way others act or with how systems, of which I am a part, operate. Things that come to my head might be, "Well, I would not have done it that way..." "I am so bored in this weekly meeting, no one wants to be here..." "Why can't she be cleaner..." "We Americans are ruining so much of the environment..." And many more examples, there are. So, the mantra, "Become the change you want to see," I believe is the answer to my Lenten prayer. If I want a meeting to be productive, I need to look at my own lack of participation. If I dislike the pollution issue, then I ask myself, how well am I recycling? If I am unhappy of how my environment looks or feels, I must look no further than myself to try to change it or at least change the perspective towards it in positive ways. Positive energy is contagious, life giving, and a force for motivation!

About the pictures: I do like to include pictures with my topic, if possible. The first one is of a dove (symbol of peace) enveloping the world. As a side note, my son's name is means "dove" in Hebrew. The second is an invitation to view waging war, instead lets be proponents for peace; the third is that of Gandhi, one of my heroes who embodied the title: he became what he wanted to see.

Kindred Spirit (Hope for Papito)

Most of you don't know that growing up, I wanted to have a tail. Yes, my secret desire in my youth... it just wasn't fair that evolution saw fit to do away with the tail for humans. To deal with my angst, my mom lovingly sewed a sheet over a piece of rope and attached it to my belt. While not a real tail, it was one of the greatest gifts ever and I used it to help me haul up firewood from the barn and also to show my cat that he wasn't the only Scott with a tail. Well, I share this with you because today, I got an email from my best friend who was at a donut shop. Of course he knows my childhood want for a caudal appendage and for years he and my entire family have made fun of me. Well, he saw this young boy who is one of my kind (imagine INXS's "You're One of My Kind" playing in the background) and was kind enough to share it with me. I feel validated, people.

Why is this hope for Papito. As of right now, he retains 95% of the physical traits of his mother. Save for his facial markings (which are from me), everything else is of her. While Wife "has" his outsides, I hope to dominate the insides.... his personality. Therefore, Papito, when you are older, I hope that you will desire to belong to a very elite group of humans. Here is what they look like...

A Moment of Gratefulness

One of the things I'm doing for Lent this year is to frame everything that happens to me or what I do during the day in terms of gratefulness. Viewed from a position of being thankful, struggles offer both a challege in the moment and an opportunity to grow and learn. With that being said, I'm not struggling right at this moment, but I can say that I'm grateful for being inside this coffee shop right now. I'm sitting by the window and have an expansive view of the rain, sleet, snow, and 40 mile wind coming down. It's pretty yucky. But I feel joy as I have my coffee, am warm, and can work "from home" today. At least the crappy weather here is not as bad as what happened in a Switzerland town in the picture, geez (or "freeze").

Teeth!!

Sometimes when my son bawls, I just look at him from the perspective of an observer. While holding him, in a detached manner, I ask myself, "How can a little living being like this cause so much noise?" In any case, I was in one of the observing moods, not knowing why he was crying, and not really caring too much because his hierarchy of needs were all met. That's when I noticed two little white things coming through his lower gum. Surely not, I thought, he's only four and half months. But there was no mistaking them. As it happened, there was a doctor's appointment scheduled the next day for him related to something else. When Wife told the pediatrician the teeth news, she said that if that's true, then it would be the first time she had seen a baby this young get teeth. She said, "Sure enough, there they are." In any case, the above pictures are recent ones from a visit by his grandma (Wife's mother).

Friggin' Cold!!

Papito is just 4. 5 months old and has already experienced colder weather than I did for almost all of my life (one night it was colder when I lived in Boston than it is right now in Chicago). The high today was 3 degrees and the wind chill tonight is going to be around -40. The weather people said that if you go out with exposed skin for 5 to 10 minutes, you'll get frostbite. Ouch! It's warm inside our apartment, thank God. The big development news for Papito is that last week, he found his toes. Yep, they've entered the realm of the conscious. I was changing his diaper and so had his legs hiked up. Then I let them down but they didn't go down, he was hanging on as if to say, "Wow, look at these!" Wife's mom came today for a visit. She loves being a grandma and is good at it already. The picture was taken a month ago with his Aunt Kristi.